Note to Reader: The following is an excerpt from the unpublished blog of Kevin Burns, titled "The Road to Ironman Lake Placid 2014". It was found in his abandoned Honda Element up on Skyline Drive near Afton, VA on a flash drive. The flash drive was damaged and our experts are still trying to retrieve the data to help solve the mystery of what happened to Kevin Burns who mysteriously disappeared during a training ride. Kevin's Element was found on Oct 13, 2013 but the date of the entry shown below is in the near future. The experts are perplexed by the discrepancy in the date and contents of his blog. They are starting to think that something very strange is going on. The reader is asked to please contact the authorities if any clues to this mystery are found within the following blog entry that they may have missed or if the reader has seen or knows the whereabouts of Kevin. Please stayed tuned for updates to this blog as our experts try to solve this mystery.
this proved to be a expensive lesson learned! I do not think I will ever perform a speed workout on the treadmill until I puke ever again. Not only was the clean up costly but it was embarrassing as well. Hey, these things happen, what can you do!? Thanks again for reading my blog. I hope everyone gets something from it to help them achieve their own goals. Tomorrow I am heading down to Skyline Drive for a solo 5 hour ride in the mountains. Should be a lots of fun!
April 27, 2014: Long Ride on Skyline Dr. (5 hours):
Today I got up at 0400 and drove from Virginia Beach to the start of Skyline Dr. in Afton. It is 0800 and I am waiting for the fog to lift so I figured I would get a head start on today's blog entry. My legs are sore from my treadmill run yesterday so I expect a rather slow start to this ride.
Today I am going to work on visualization during the ride. It should help pass the time. I have been reading up on it and found this from about.com:
"Many elite athletes routinely use visualization techniques as part of training and competition. There are many stories of athletes who've used these techniques to cultivate not only a competitive edge, but also to create renewed mental awareness, a heightened sense of well-being and confidence. All of these factors have been shown to contribute to an athlete's sports success. Visualization has also been called guided imagery, mental rehearsal, mediation, and a variety of other things -- no matter the term, the basic techniques and concepts are the same. Generally speaking, visualization is the process of creating a mental image or intention of what you want to happen or feel."
Since I have done IMLP twice before, I am going to visualize the actual bike course while riding the hills on Skyline Dr. I hope this will make me feel like I have ridden the course numerous times and provide me with the confidence to crush the course on race day. For me a sub-6:30 ride would be great and hopefully I will have saved something for the marathon.
Ok, so if I understand the technique correctly, I will visualize how I am going to attack the bike course then hopefully what I have seen will come to fruition on race day. Seems almost supernatural to me like in the movie, Field of Dreams when the voice whispers "if you build it, he will come". I mean, if I do this correctly will a voice whisper to me "if you see it, it will happen" or something like that. I think everyone who follows this blog know that I have a very active imagination and a well documented fear of wild animal attacks! Ha ha ha! Should I worry that if I am using this technique and my mind drifts off into a daydream, then what I see in the daydream may come true? A solo ride of 5 hours can seem like forever sometimes and I do tend to daydream a little. This scares me because lately my daydreams have been a little odd. Maybe because I have been up late at night watching Land of the Lost episodes on Netflix. The daydream starts with me cruising at a very high rate of speed downhill when I suddenly enter a strange vortex and find myself transported back to the Jurassic age. A pterodactyl swoops down, grabs me in its talons and transports me back to it's nest. I am dropped into the nest with four hungry pterodactyl chicks. Yikes! I know, I know stupid right!?
Alright so this fog isn't lifting so I think I will just get on my bike and risk it. I brought my blinking red lights so I am sure to be safe. I will update today's blog entry when I return. Wish me luck! Bye for now!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
The Furloughed Man and the American Dream
Once upon a time, a federal worker was employed in a land far far away. Actually not that far away because he worked for the good old USA.
This federal worker was having a hard time making ends meet due to being furloughed by a government shutdown. He worried about paying the mortgage, feeding his three kids and even paying the vet bills for an aging Shih Tzu that suffered from glaucoma.
He spent the mornings going to Starbucks, ordering a venti 4 shot Americano with light cream and then taking a walk on the beach. This morning he came upon an empty beer bottle laying in the sand. He picked the bottle up intending to throw away in the recycle bin when he got home. He read the label which identified the beer as a Sweet Baby, Jesus! brewed by DuClaw Brewing Co. It was a Chocolate Peanut Butter Porter, 6.0% Abv. Absent mindedly, he rubbed the empty bottle while dreaming of the old days when he could afford to drink fine craft beer instead of Natural Light. Suddenly, in a cloud of smoke, appeared a man dressed in a beer keg Halloween costume.
"Where did you come from? And who are you?", asked the stunned federal worker.
"I am the genie in the bottle. You rubbed me the right way. Releasing me from the bottle.", replied the keg. "I can grant you three wishes. Your wish is my command."
The federal worker did not know what to think at first. "Is this guy a quack? Did he just quote a Christina Aguilera song?", he asked himself. He figured he would try one wish as a test. What did he have to lose? "I wish that I had a cold Sweet Baby, Jesus!." Poof! A baby stroller appeared with a crying baby swaddled in a flannel blanket embroidered with "JC".
"Whoa! Not quite what I was going for." cried the federal worker. Out loud he thought, "OMG, how will I feed another child? I am furloughed for Christ sakes!". Just then the baby began to cry. "Oops, sorry.", the federal worker said to the baby. The genie then spoke, "Well you get two more wishes. Please try again."
The federal worker thought about his second wish for a while longer than the first. Finally he said, "I wish for the furlough to end." Poof! The federal worker found himself in his cubicle staring at a computer displaying the blue screen of death. "Woo woo! I am back to work. The furlough is over! The government has reopened. It is a miracle", he yelled. His first order of business was to call IT. He then noticed a envelope taped to his phone with a yellow sticky. He opened the envelope and removed a pink slip that had a header which read "RIF (Reduction In Force) - Notice" and a first line which started, "We are sorry to notify you that...". The federal worker suddenly fainted hitting the floor with a loud thud.
He awoke back on the beach where he was living in a cardboard box. His wife, kids and Shih Tzu were gone having moved to California to live with his mother-in-law. He was in despair. He cried "Genie, where are you? I have one more wish.". Poof! The genie appeared, "Wow, you smell. You are correct you get one more wish. Make it count."
The federal worker told the genie, "I wish for the American Dream!". Poof! The federal worker now found himself on a boat approaching the Statue of Liberty. At his feet was a newspaper showing a date of October 3, 1887. Confused he looked around and to his surprise saw his wife, kids, Sweet Baby,Jesus! now swaddled in a American flag, and his beloved Shih Tzu with eyes clear of glaucoma. He broke down and cried "wow! A brand new start in a brand new world. Thank you, Jesus!.". The baby began to cry. "Sorry I meant thank you, genie!" The federal worker with family in tow arrived in New York City and promptly bartered for passage to Boston where he planned to settle down. The federal worker found a job right away at a brewery as the brewmaster's apprentice.
Over time he achieved the American Dream by opening his own brewery and making millions of dollars doing what he loved most. His wife stayed by his side the whole way. His kids grew up, married and gave him grandchildren. Sweet Baby, Jesus! arose from the stroller and moved to the Middle East to discover himself. The Shih Tzu died of old aged and was buried in the garden where the hops were grown for the brewery. Later in life, the federal worker sold the brewery which later became the Boston Beer Company home of Samuel Adams beer.
The federal worker was restless and came out of retirement to run for Congress vowing to be a great leader and work tirelessly for his constituents. He died at the age of 78 on October 28, 1919 from a heart attack brought on by a nasty bout of constipation during an epic 42 hour filibuster where he read War and Peace out loud and delayed the vote on the Volstead Act (Prohibition!). May he rest in peace.
The End
This federal worker was having a hard time making ends meet due to being furloughed by a government shutdown. He worried about paying the mortgage, feeding his three kids and even paying the vet bills for an aging Shih Tzu that suffered from glaucoma.
He spent the mornings going to Starbucks, ordering a venti 4 shot Americano with light cream and then taking a walk on the beach. This morning he came upon an empty beer bottle laying in the sand. He picked the bottle up intending to throw away in the recycle bin when he got home. He read the label which identified the beer as a Sweet Baby, Jesus! brewed by DuClaw Brewing Co. It was a Chocolate Peanut Butter Porter, 6.0% Abv. Absent mindedly, he rubbed the empty bottle while dreaming of the old days when he could afford to drink fine craft beer instead of Natural Light. Suddenly, in a cloud of smoke, appeared a man dressed in a beer keg Halloween costume.
"Where did you come from? And who are you?", asked the stunned federal worker.
"I am the genie in the bottle. You rubbed me the right way. Releasing me from the bottle.", replied the keg. "I can grant you three wishes. Your wish is my command."
The federal worker did not know what to think at first. "Is this guy a quack? Did he just quote a Christina Aguilera song?", he asked himself. He figured he would try one wish as a test. What did he have to lose? "I wish that I had a cold Sweet Baby, Jesus!." Poof! A baby stroller appeared with a crying baby swaddled in a flannel blanket embroidered with "JC".
"Whoa! Not quite what I was going for." cried the federal worker. Out loud he thought, "OMG, how will I feed another child? I am furloughed for Christ sakes!". Just then the baby began to cry. "Oops, sorry.", the federal worker said to the baby. The genie then spoke, "Well you get two more wishes. Please try again."
The federal worker thought about his second wish for a while longer than the first. Finally he said, "I wish for the furlough to end." Poof! The federal worker found himself in his cubicle staring at a computer displaying the blue screen of death. "Woo woo! I am back to work. The furlough is over! The government has reopened. It is a miracle", he yelled. His first order of business was to call IT. He then noticed a envelope taped to his phone with a yellow sticky. He opened the envelope and removed a pink slip that had a header which read "RIF (Reduction In Force) - Notice" and a first line which started, "We are sorry to notify you that...". The federal worker suddenly fainted hitting the floor with a loud thud.
He awoke back on the beach where he was living in a cardboard box. His wife, kids and Shih Tzu were gone having moved to California to live with his mother-in-law. He was in despair. He cried "Genie, where are you? I have one more wish.". Poof! The genie appeared, "Wow, you smell. You are correct you get one more wish. Make it count."
The federal worker told the genie, "I wish for the American Dream!". Poof! The federal worker now found himself on a boat approaching the Statue of Liberty. At his feet was a newspaper showing a date of October 3, 1887. Confused he looked around and to his surprise saw his wife, kids, Sweet Baby,Jesus! now swaddled in a American flag, and his beloved Shih Tzu with eyes clear of glaucoma. He broke down and cried "wow! A brand new start in a brand new world. Thank you, Jesus!.". The baby began to cry. "Sorry I meant thank you, genie!" The federal worker with family in tow arrived in New York City and promptly bartered for passage to Boston where he planned to settle down. The federal worker found a job right away at a brewery as the brewmaster's apprentice.
Over time he achieved the American Dream by opening his own brewery and making millions of dollars doing what he loved most. His wife stayed by his side the whole way. His kids grew up, married and gave him grandchildren. Sweet Baby, Jesus! arose from the stroller and moved to the Middle East to discover himself. The Shih Tzu died of old aged and was buried in the garden where the hops were grown for the brewery. Later in life, the federal worker sold the brewery which later became the Boston Beer Company home of Samuel Adams beer.
The federal worker was restless and came out of retirement to run for Congress vowing to be a great leader and work tirelessly for his constituents. He died at the age of 78 on October 28, 1919 from a heart attack brought on by a nasty bout of constipation during an epic 42 hour filibuster where he read War and Peace out loud and delayed the vote on the Volstead Act (Prohibition!). May he rest in peace.
The End
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Government SHUTDOWN!! a poem
When a Democrat
will not negotiate
and the country is set to drown
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When a Republican,
refuses to compromise
and decides to leave town
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When a Congressman
bullshits his constituents
until his eyes turn brown
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When a Liberal
is caught in his hotel room
with a mistress and his pants down
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When a Conservative
comes out of his office closet
wearing a women's nightgown
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When the President
address the media and the nation
with sniffles and a frown
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
will not negotiate
and the country is set to drown
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When a Republican,
refuses to compromise
and decides to leave town
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When a Congressman
bullshits his constituents
until his eyes turn brown
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When a Liberal
is caught in his hotel room
with a mistress and his pants down
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When a Conservative
comes out of his office closet
wearing a women's nightgown
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
When the President
address the media and the nation
with sniffles and a frown
what we are left with is
Government SHUTDOWN!!
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